Love Does Not Conquer All

I hear a lot from older people that love takes work and time. That if you run into a problem in a relationship you shouldn’t just cut you losses and run. My question is, why not?

I understand that there are somethings that can be worked through, small problems or even big ones that can be solved through love and trust and work.

I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t always help or work. Currently I’m sitting in a hotel room with my family where my parents have began to argue about my fathers numerous online affairs. This isn’t the first time that I have heard them talk, shout, scream, or cry about it. Every time my Mother says she’s done with it, and every night they go to bed together. Theres only been a handful of times where my Father has slept on the couch and it’s always been his choice, she’s never told him to do it. I know that it is genuinely because he does not want to be around us. Which is fine with me because i’ve rarely ever felt comfortable around him in the six years that I’ve known him. Yea, six years you read that right. He left when I was young and showed back up later on when I no longer wanted or needed him. Not that my other family members didn’t want him, it was just that I could see through the bullshit.

My Mother has known for months and months that he has been cheating on her. She first found out right around Valentines day this year. He got drunk on Valentines day like he usually does almost every day and refused to take her to their dinner reservation. He would rather stay at home and talk to other women on his laptop. Lets not forget that he’s cat-fishing all of them. Not telling any of them about us or his true age or his looks. Every time he gets caught he blames my mom, calls her names, throws things, says it doesn’t count as cheating because its not physical, and then he apologizes. He takes her out somewhere nice and is the perfect husband for a few days, swears he will never do it again and then he’s back at it again the next day until she catches on. I’d like to point out that its memorial weekend now and its still going on. I don’t know if my Mother thinks she can change him or what but she continues to put herself through this emotional and mental torture. I don’t have the heart to tell her that this has been happening a lot longer than just this year. I think she knows though, that she’s always known just never checked it out. She wants to have the perfect family, but that was never gonna happen just because of who she is as a person.

I’m not saying that it is her fault that he is cheating, it isn’t. If he doesn’t want to be with her then he shouldn’t be, but if she wants the pain to stop and for him to stop hurting her then she should leave because he will never change.

Working through it doesn’t work all of the time. Currently its not just hurting her, its hurting me and my brother as well. We have to sit in the house and hear them scream at each other, we have to listen to when he gets drunk and talks about how we don’t matter to him. I had to learn not to fight with him when he gets drunk or else he will try to come into my room in the middle of the night. And yes my mom knows about it, she’s the one who stopped him and yelled don’t rape my daughter. That’s the man that she chose to keep in my life, in my brothers life, and in her life.

I know she needs help, I even called and told someone what was happening. I expected them to come over and tell her to leave him, to take care of herself and of us. Instead she told her that she has to accept that he won’t change and this is who she is with. That they can try and talk but most likely he won’t change and if my mom loves him and wants to be with him then she is just going to have to love all of him even the part that hates her.

Her trying to work it out is setting up the worst possible example it can towards my younger brother who now thinks that its okay to yell at women and treat them like they are the source of all problems. All I want is to get away from here and never come back, as much as I care about her and my family I don’t want my future kids to ever know them.

Thats what working it out has turned out to be for my family. Please don’t let it break yours, it may not be worth it.

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Running, Tripping, and Crashing into Adulthood

How were we all deceived growing up? Somehow we were all convinced that once we became adults things would be easier. We would have freedom! We could go out whenever we wanted to! Nonstop hanging out with friends and getting this money! And didn’t our parents and teachers tell us we were wrong? Of course they did, but they were lying and they just wanted to “control us” or “keep us down.” We were ready though, remember?

Now all a lot of us want is less responsibility. Someone else to take over the reigns for a little while so we can take a breather. Man, I was so ambitious and excited to be an adult. I knew what I wanted, where I was going, and I swore that college was gonna be a breeze for me. I mean, the last two years of High School just flew by for me, it felt like nothing even though I was taking the advanced classes. Some of them were even college credit courses! I can remember my first week of college and thinking it would be a breeze, and for the most part it was. Psychology got me though. That first test of the semester snuck up on me and beat me until I was black and blue. I had never and I mean NEVER had to study for a test before. Everything came easy for me, I would just review the material a few minutes before class and I would be a-okay. Not this time though.

I ended up passing the class though with a C 😕. Of course I didn’t learn my lesson though even though I told everyone I had. Second semester was horrible. I swear it felt like each class was out to break down my GPA. Of course it wasn’t I just wasn’t putting in the necessary work to be 100% on top of everything. Right when I thought I was getting it together though, disaster struck. Within just a few weeks I was robbed, got a flat tire in the middle of no where, had to call into work, and then my dad walked out on us. I had no idea what to do. My world slowly began to fall apart, fracturing at the seams. I couldn’t focus on anything. I failed my next math test and my next geography test which of course I was already doing poorly in both classes and this just pushed me to the point of no return. I couldn’t think of a single thing to write for my english essay, the only class I was excelling in was my Education class which I loved. I was put into a rough spot. At the current time I had a 3.5 GPA and I didn’t want it to lower because of stupid decisions and rough times. So I did what I thought was my only option. I withdrew from the classes I knew I couldn’t help, which was basically all, but one.

The worst thing about having to do that isn’t the embarrassment of knowing you failed, its having to admit your failure to your friends and family afterwards. It is so scary for me in fact that I still haven’t told my family. Yea, thats right. For the rest of the semester I got up every day at 7am and left the house so that my family wouldn’t find out what had happened. Pathetic right? The semester is now over and they keep asking about my grades and what classes I will take next semester and its stressing me out a lot. I don’t know what I want to do right now at this moment. I mean I do but I don’t know how to tell my family. I want to take a year off from school, which I know looks incredibly bad. Everyone usually does this before they start going to college and here I am wanting to do it after my first year. I just feel like I wasn’t truly prepared for what was coming. I thought it would be easy and I was so incredibly wrong. I miss being a kid, I wish that I had taken the year off and partied like my friends did to get out all of their pent up energy from high school. Instead I did that while trying to go to school at the same time and it obviously didn’t work. I mean I’m not saying that I want to drop out, I just want a year to be free without worrying about my GPA or homework or expectations from family members. I know my dad won’t care, he didn’t go to college. My younger brother will probably make fun of me relentlessly and I don’t know If my mom will Kill me or just tell me I told you so.

I wish that I had appreciated the time before I was an adult. Before anything too intense was expected of me. My advice for everyone who may be going through this situation soon or in the near future is to take your time. College will always be here, you need to take it at your own pace and make sure you’re ready for it first. Better to take your time and do great then to go as fast as you can and only be adequate.

All Men Are Shit.

So this guy I dated this one time took me on like the best date ever right? And he said all the right things about how beautiful and smart I was and how he could really see a future between us. I was like heart eyes swooning. So when he invited me back to his place to have sex I was a little nervous but he was so perfect that I said yes. The sex felt fantastic and when it was over he invited me to spend the night and he held me all night long and rubbed my back and we just talked about everything it felt so dreamy. The next day he drove me home and told me he couldn’t wait to see me again. Its been two weeks and he barely texts me back. He’s all like i’m busy, my schedule is just really jammed up right now. But when he’s not texting me he’s active on facebook so what the fuck? I sent him a text asking why he would lead me on when he didn’t like me and now he’s telling me that he does like me but the longer the conversation went on the more it just came out that he just wanted to have sex without looking like a dick. ALL MEN ARE COMPLETE SHIT, I know this because this one guy I dated once….

Bitch what the fuck.

I hate the stereotypes that all men are bad. Whats up with that? Anytime something even begins to go wrong between a girl and a guy the girl always runs to social media or her friends talking about how men aren’t shit. Girl. If men aren’t shit then why are you continuously going back to them? Explain that to me.

Yes there are plenty of men who are trash and cruel to women, but that doesn’t mean you should put all men in that category. And what about the guys who were hurt and broke by women?

It always seems that girls can get away with how they tend to treat men because, “the last guy she was with broke her heart,” “all the men she was with hurt her so bad that now she has trust issues.” Which yes, are all valid reasons as to why a woman may be more guarded. But guess what sweetie, there are some evil bitches among us too that are doing the same thing to the men in our life. Yet when a man says that he isn’t ready to be in a relationship and that he just wants to date or leave things without a title we react horribly. We assume the absolute worst, that he’s just looking for sex and that he’s just saying that as an excuse to keep from getting close or something, but do any of us think about the other possibilities? That maybe he was treated just like how we were. That maybe he was cheated on, verbally abused, or treated like he wasn’t really that important? I know that we can find it hard to believe because they are bigger and stronger than us so if something is going wrong for them then why don’t they just leave? I know that everyone who was in a bad relationship can remember how good it was when they first started.

Remember how sweet he was? How much you guys used to laugh and have fun? You stay because not only are you possibly afraid of what may happen if you go, but also you can’t fight the feeling that maybe this is just a phase or a rough time for him and that eventually things will go back to how great they were in the beginning. If you can believe that then why wouldn’t he?

I’m not writing this to try and make it seem like all guys are great, i’m writing it because shitty people come in all shapes and sizes, they aren’t only men. Maybe you can try and think about that next time you blame all men over a few mens bad decisions.

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