I hear a lot from older people that love takes work and time. That if you run into a problem in a relationship you shouldn’t just cut you losses and run. My question is, why not?
I understand that there are somethings that can be worked through, small problems or even big ones that can be solved through love and trust and work.
I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t always help or work. Currently I’m sitting in a hotel room with my family where my parents have began to argue about my fathers numerous online affairs. This isn’t the first time that I have heard them talk, shout, scream, or cry about it. Every time my Mother says she’s done with it, and every night they go to bed together. Theres only been a handful of times where my Father has slept on the couch and it’s always been his choice, she’s never told him to do it. I know that it is genuinely because he does not want to be around us. Which is fine with me because i’ve rarely ever felt comfortable around him in the six years that I’ve known him. Yea, six years you read that right. He left when I was young and showed back up later on when I no longer wanted or needed him. Not that my other family members didn’t want him, it was just that I could see through the bullshit.
My Mother has known for months and months that he has been cheating on her. She first found out right around Valentines day this year. He got drunk on Valentines day like he usually does almost every day and refused to take her to their dinner reservation. He would rather stay at home and talk to other women on his laptop. Lets not forget that he’s cat-fishing all of them. Not telling any of them about us or his true age or his looks. Every time he gets caught he blames my mom, calls her names, throws things, says it doesn’t count as cheating because its not physical, and then he apologizes. He takes her out somewhere nice and is the perfect husband for a few days, swears he will never do it again and then he’s back at it again the next day until she catches on. I’d like to point out that its memorial weekend now and its still going on. I don’t know if my Mother thinks she can change him or what but she continues to put herself through this emotional and mental torture. I don’t have the heart to tell her that this has been happening a lot longer than just this year. I think she knows though, that she’s always known just never checked it out. She wants to have the perfect family, but that was never gonna happen just because of who she is as a person.
I’m not saying that it is her fault that he is cheating, it isn’t. If he doesn’t want to be with her then he shouldn’t be, but if she wants the pain to stop and for him to stop hurting her then she should leave because he will never change.
Working through it doesn’t work all of the time. Currently its not just hurting her, its hurting me and my brother as well. We have to sit in the house and hear them scream at each other, we have to listen to when he gets drunk and talks about how we don’t matter to him. I had to learn not to fight with him when he gets drunk or else he will try to come into my room in the middle of the night. And yes my mom knows about it, she’s the one who stopped him and yelled don’t rape my daughter. That’s the man that she chose to keep in my life, in my brothers life, and in her life.
I know she needs help, I even called and told someone what was happening. I expected them to come over and tell her to leave him, to take care of herself and of us. Instead she told her that she has to accept that he won’t change and this is who she is with. That they can try and talk but most likely he won’t change and if my mom loves him and wants to be with him then she is just going to have to love all of him even the part that hates her.
Her trying to work it out is setting up the worst possible example it can towards my younger brother who now thinks that its okay to yell at women and treat them like they are the source of all problems. All I want is to get away from here and never come back, as much as I care about her and my family I don’t want my future kids to ever know them.
Thats what working it out has turned out to be for my family. Please don’t let it break yours, it may not be worth it.